Date Your Wife Book Review

I have been married for 9 1/2 years now. My wife, Lindsey, and I have 3 small children. The oldest is 5, the middle just turned 2, and the youngest is 15 months. Life is good. Marriage is good. But most everything could always stand some improvement. I'm certain my marriage is no different. Two grown sinners plus three small sinners plus busy lives plus ministry basically equals what seems like total chaos some days.

I recently finished reading a book titled "Date Your Wife".This book was exactly what I needed! I love what Justin does in this book by taking us back to the Creation account. He even gives a new vision of just exactly what it means "to work and keep" the Garden (Genesis 3:15). This is the foundation and backbone for the entire book. He even gives a little more life to the language by saying "these Hebrew verbs can be better translated: cultivate and guard"(41). He continues with these verbs throughout the book and that was really helpful to me.

One great thing about this book is the fact that it is grounded in the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Over and over Justin takes us back to not only the Cross, but also to grace. He encourages all men to have grace-filled marriages. He rightly says, "Every husband has a belief system that drives his life and drives his marriage. Religion destroys men and marriages, but the Gospel makes men new and marriages new" (79). I also love how the book parallels the same pattern as the Bible does, as it relates to man. "The Good. The Bad. The New. The Perfect." (124)

Most men I know don't do a whole lot of reading. And big books oftentimes scare people off, especially men, including me sometimes. That's why I love how Justin has set this book up. It is a very easy read. I love the ease of the short chapters. I think he has made this book very readable for all men. It is also loaded with personal stories and experiences, which I always love while reading. And perhaps the best part of all is the "Take Action" section at the end of each chapter. Justin clearly has given us more than an idea and some information. He gives men everywhere ways and ideas to think deeper and apply what he has laid out in this book.

The most life changing portion of the book for me was chapter 4. I think it will wake many men up to the current state of their marriage. Justin makes a fresh discovery (fresh to me at least) in Genesis about Adam and his wife. I don't want to ruin it for you, but I will simply ask you this question: Do you think that since you are a "committed" husband, who isn't going to leave your wife, you have completed your duty as a husband?

This book is a must read for any man who is married and truly desires for his marriage to be how God created it to be! Now you and I have to make time to date our wives!

"Family Ministry Field Guide" Book Review

Finished my second book of the Moscow trip. It is called "Family Ministry Field Guide". It was written by Timothy Paul Jones, who is professor of leadership and church ministry at The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary. What wisdom this man has revealed in this terrific, church changing work!

First of all, this book is definitely written for pastors, deacons, and other church leaders. Not that laymen wouldn't benefit from it, it is just a ministry foundation type of book. Dr. Jones has written to pastors and leaders urging them to mold churches into what God intended them to be in the first place, gospel-centered, disciple-making and family-equipping.

There is quite a bit of discussion in this book about youth ministry, programs, and segregation within the church. He goes so far as to say, "the purpose of student ministry is to gain and retain youth by entertaining them until the time comes for them to serve the church as an adult" (pg. 54). He points to the fact that our "standard of success becomes attendance and retention, and the central focus becomes finding the right ministers and methods to attract the highest numbers" (pg. 54). He is not bashing today's church or youth ministry, only calling for a reformation back to what we find in the Bible.

With much biblical evidence, the entire book is driven by a conviction that parents should be the "primary disciple-makers in their children's lives", as opposed to the church or pastors. He uses this phrase several times to support his argument, "the gospel is rehearsed in families and reinforced at church so that God's truth can be revealed to the world". That is some stone cold truth if I've ever heard it!

Here are some main issues in the book that really stood out to me:

1. "Discovering who your children really are." This is in light of God's big story, the story Dr. Jones argues that we generally only see half of when it comes to parenting. The big story is this: creation, fall, redemption, and consummation. Jones says, "God's creation and humanity's fall have positioned parents as providers and disciplinarians. Through redemption and consummation, parents are called to be disciple-makers as well" (pg. 79). Also under this heading of "discovering who your children are" is the idea that we view our children as not only children, but also brothers and sisters in Christ. To me, this was profound!
2. "Parenting with my grandchildren in mind" (pg. 87). If you view your children as brothers and sisters, you are able to disciple and "guide their spiritual formation" so that your impact and the gospel's impact "outlast [your] time on this earth".
3. "Family Worship." Unfortunately, most families don't have this time together. Usually for two main reasons, they don't make time and they don't know how. This is the focal point of the entire book. Much time is spent addressing this problem.
4. "Faith Talks, Faith Walks, and Faith Processes." This is the answer for family worship. It's not difficult, however, it is intentional and never happens by accident. A faith talk is a time, at least one night a week, where all members of the family come together, read and discuss Scripture, and pray. It could even be about the sermon or Sunday school lesson from last Sunday. It's that simple. It doesn't have to last an hour and it will look different for all families. Some may do it in the morning after breakfast, some before supper or some at bedtime. The point is to actually do it....consistently. Faith walks are times in daily life where you intentionally turn the conversation toward the gospel. It may be a homeless man on the street. It may be a momma bird feeding a worm to her babies. Just anything in your daily activities to teach your child about the Word of God. Faith processes are plans and/or goals for your child's spiritual growth. They are specific to each child depending on their age and understanding. They could be anything from baby dedication to memorizing the Lord's Prayer.
5. "Building a 'Family-Equipping Church' takes years." This does not happen overnight. It is almost completely foreign to most of our churches and especially to our parents. My prayer is that soon all churches will be working toward a fully biblical model as laid out in this book by Dr. Jones.
6. Dr. Jones has not just written a bunch of information and theory. He gives many questions for discussion. He lays out a plan. He has found others implementing this same philosophy of ministry. And most importantly, he has practiced this himself.

In conclusion, I highly recommend that all leaders in every church dive into this book. My book is full of underlined gems. However, I must warn you to be ready to have your toes stepped on. Be ready to think outside of the typical contemporary (or traditional) church of this day that has every program and age separated out. Most of all, be ready to start this transformation in your own house. I will leave you with the most powerful words in the entire book. They are intended for leaders but implied to all parents throughout the book. They are not just for pastors. You could easily replace the word "pastor" or "ministry leader" to "parent" as you read.

"The problem for a significant proportion of pastors and ministry leaders is that they see their churches, and even their communities, in light of the people's need for the gospel, but they fail to see their own families from this same perspective. They see the needs of those who are far, but they don't see the same needs in those who are nearest to them. (Here is where it really gets down to business!) The student minister spends six months mapping out every detail of a weeklong youth camp. The volunteer in middle school ministry meets early every Monday morning to pray with a half dozen sixth graders about their week at school. The pastor is present at every community outreach event, and everyone praises his clear vision for the church's future. Yet the student minister can't seem to carve out a half hour each week to talk with his family about living in light of the gospel. The middle school prayer leader hasn't prayed with her husband in more than a decade. And, outside of keeping the children in church and hoping none of them does anything that causes a public scandal, neither the pastor nor the pastor's spouse has any clear vision for his children's spiritual formation. In most cases, the root of these patterns is not deliberate rebellion against God. It is a misplaced perspective that fails to see the home as the ministry leader's first context for ministry. As a result, ministry leaders try to do ministry in their churches and communities without first becoming ministers in their own households."